How much is fixing my dongle going to cost?

So everything I said last week? About finding a new broadbandprovider being a baffling, arduous and incomplete chore? The veryopposite of spending money for fun - but necessary all the same?Yep, well. No change there. I have, as yet, made precisely zeroprogress towards replacing my useless, sluggish, so-called broadband(It's really not. It's slower than dial-up; remember that, back inthe 1990s? And sometimes it just doesn't work at all. All this, Iwas assured on calling up the Orange customer service line, is to beexpected. They did a speed test. Seemingly So Slow It Makes You WantTo Gouge Out Your Own Eyes is, in fact, standard. Who knew?)

There is light at the end of the tunnel, however. Though youremails proffering advice on the subject weren't exactly forthcoming(ahem), I did receive some help. Chris Maynard, whose entire job ishelping people with such dilemmas, dropped me a line. He runs Think!Inc, Wandsworth's favourite utilities guru, doncha know, and is anexpert on all things technological. Actually, this is exactly thesort of person who I should be talking to. Someone who knows whatthey're talking about. Rather like the compare the market meerkat,but human.

So Chris reckons the problem is all down to my dongle. There'snothing wrong with it, per se, but it's not doing my web-browsingany favours. "A dongle is to broadband what a fish is to a bicycle,"he argues.

I'm still not quite sure what I'm going to do about this bicycle/fish/dongle scenario - Chris has suggested something to do with anegg, which will "turn me into a wifi hotspot all of my own". Itsounds unfathomably complicated to the utility-phobe in me, but Imight give it a shot. It's only a couple of quid more than what I'mpaying, and might mean that I don't need to be in the office everytime I fancy googling something. At least that way I might actuallypurchase an outfit in time for my friend's wedding.

Speaking of which: the panic! It's only two weeks away, and I'vegot nothing sorted. Present aside, there's so much still to do. Thisis, after all, my First Proper Wedding Ever. The temptation to buy adress for it is almost too great to resist. Is this what Pippa Mfelt before her sister's big day? Did she resort to online shoppingfor her party outfit? I doubt it. And if she did, I bet her internetblooming well worked.

a.jarvis@independent.co.uk